Two-A-Days: I'm Like A Football Team

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, in photo, my greatest Words With Friends accomplishment ever.

Yup. I played the word Jibs. They said I played Greys. Either way I got 129 points and am pwning my cousina. Enjoying it Liz? Yeah.

Didn't.

I didn't really want to blog today.
I didn't want to blog because it's only been today for 2.5 hrs and I'm already hating today.
I didn't really want today to have a stigma.
I didn't really want today to send me back into crying.
I didn't really want today to ever come at all...

Hazy Days Expected, With Bursts of Sun in Human Form.

It's been..five days since I heard the words "no surgery".
It's been four days since I completed my "dark day".
It's been one day since I finally got out of the house.
It's been two minutes since I last thought about how to keep my mind off of the fact that I will not be in surgery when Friday rolls around.

Brutal Honesty and Nine Years of Tired.

The past two days have been hell on Earth for me. I am:
depressed
stressed
let down
teary
snotty
angry
spiteful
monstrous
immature
unfair
ugly
And I don't mean ugly as in oh my face is ugly, I mean emotionally ugly. The things I said in that surgeon's office were truly horrible; and by no way do I mean horrible to the nurse/pa/surgeon, but I mean to my mother.

Unfair. Unhappy. So. Tired.

The last post was really quite unfair of me.

Fucking Miserable Fat Failure

I will not be getting my hip replaced next week because I am fucking fat and a fucking fat failure.

OPERATION...Pre..operation?

Have you guys ever had an operation?

I've had 11.

This is the first time I've ever elected to have the operation...

Well, wisdom teeth is kind of an elected one, but they were ruining my braces.

Later today

I Keep Forgetting Titles Before I Hit Publish.

Oh hey. What's that? It...looks like a basket? Maybe an edible arrangement? Perhaps a flower basket? Flowers are pretty hip right? I don't know..they don't look like flowers, or fruit...

"You're so pale, can't you just go outside for like 15 minutes?" - Dr. Weisman

It's 3:50 am as I start writing this. I have been arse deep in popsicle sticks and mustaches all night. If you want proof..come to the Hipster Party! Seriously, it's on Saturday that comes after Friday (which is the day after today) - thanks Rebecca Black! Tomorrow I finally have NO doctors' appointments which means I'll be diy-ing and tidying all for you to come and have a hip time. So, show up and lets get down, but not with too much enthusiasm because hipsters don't like enthusiasm.

Pre Operative: Before becoming 007

Shalom. I'm Jessica's mom Jacoba. Once we meet you'll probably just want to hang out with me vs. hanging out with Jessica. When can we meet? Well according to my orange mustache, the only time is at the Hip-ster party! Now RSVP so I can prep food or JACOBA SMASHING will commence!

Vent. Complain. Explain. BAHHH!

So, my surgery was moved...(explicit language to follow).

Night Time Cat

Two posts. One day. Minds blown.

"I can't handle that kind of pressure!!!" - Sam White

Oh, hello. Who am I? Well I am a strapping young man with a mustache that you can meet at a Hipster party. But only one Hipster party. You say you like my mustache? Come to Jessica's Hip-ster party and I'll let you touch it, maybe. But you have to come to even get the chance...Oui oui?

Let me see your peacock-cock-cock...Oy

Hello ladies and gents! My family and I have been working hard prepping for this lil hiptacular party of mine. Want proof? Hit the jump..also known as the "more link"

Early Morning Cat

Carlos/Bigs likes to wake me up some mornings. He normally does it by purring in my face somewhere between 8:00 and 9:00. Today it was 8:15 am-ish. Only, he wasn't purring in my face. I heard a clinkity, clankity, kitten on glass sorta sound and this ladies and gents is what I found (Dr. Seuss all up in here!):

Rubber Ducky Mustache Photo Spectacular!

This is me. This is my epic mustache. Would YOU like an epic mustache photo on this blog? I am posting epic mustaches from now until my hip replacement...email me at jewellerybyj@gmail.com and you will be before the jump along with some witty banter. Why epic mustache photos? Well, because they are the mark of the hipster. I'm A) having a Hip-ster party and B) having a hip replacement. Mustaches are cool. Bowties are cool. Fezes are cool. Stetsons are cool. Please name that reference.

Tomahawk Chop OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Oh yes ladies and gentlemen. That photo means exactly what you think it does! My dad took me to the Braves vs. Marlins game this past Friday! It was a daddy-daughter outing and it was quite loverly, well except for the oppressive heat, but welcome the Georgia where the humidity could kill 700 rhinos...yup made that horrible expression up.

NOW! More braves photos to follow, so down into the rabbit hole we go!