The last post was really quite unfair of me.
I posted it with the intentions of going home, curling up in my bed, and watching endless youtube and netflix videos until I ran out of tears. But, it's still unfair of me. Unfair of me to you. Unfair of me to my parents. Unfair of me to myself.
I'm still not able to explain what happened in full - just know that eventually I will get my hip. As soon as I lose 20 more pounds I will be whisked into surgery; I made Kathy pinkie promise.
I don't think I'll ever fully explain what went wrong today. Just know that I screamed, cried, told them I would rather die than go home without finishing pre-op and being okayed for next Friday. That was unfair to my mom...I just, I'm in so much pain.
I'm giving myself one dark day and then I'll be back. I probably won't be happy until I lose 20 more pounds, but I guess being unhappy and trying to function is better than being unhappy and shutting down completely.
hey jess, it may be discouraging, but 'stiff upper lip' ;) you can do this. don't be so down on yourself... you have the support of all of us. why don't you keep a record on here? when i quit smoking i felt so good, but it was really hard. But keeping a record on facebook helped me get as much support from so many people. it was a prettt awesome feeling to not have smoked a cigarette in almost a month and i am so happy! we are all here to go on your journey with you and when you get that hip, i know that you will be just as happy to lose those 20lbs and do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips!
ReplyDelete-the asian one
i love you so much. i saw the news on facebook, but knew that you probably needed a day to yourself to just wrap your head around everything. please don't hesitate to call if you just need to vent. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! 20 pounds is totally attainable. look how far you've come! i can't even fathom how unbearable to pain is, but remember that you ARE getting your hip very soon. you have so many people who love and support you. we are cheering you on, girl. take this one day at a time... and believe that everything happens for a reason (no matter how stupid it sounds or how hard it is to see).
ReplyDelete“Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.” -Samuel Johnson
ReplyDeleteRan across that today & thought I would share it with you...don't give up and you'll be there soon! I'm always here to talk to/text/whatevs! :)
Mucho Love(o)
Hey! I don't really know you but you're a nerdfighter so you must be awesome. I think you're an amazingly strong person (I've been reading a bit of your blog) and I know everyone gets dark days. You can pull through this! I'm reminded of the book (and movie) Tuesdays with Morrie (you should watch/read it!) Morrie is dying. Slowly and painfully. He's so cheerful and positive and he gets asked how he does it. He says he allows himself fifteen minutes of self pity every morning. Everyone gets down. But we're behind you to help you get back up again. DFTBA!
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