I'm begging you....for mercy?

So, normally my posts are pretty bubbly..but it's really time to be honest. With 29 days to go until my surgery I need to write this a) for me to remember how much the hip replacement improved my life and b) for you all to truly understand what I go through on a daily basis..

Every morning I wake up in pain. Sometimes it's a dull pain radiating from my hip down through my thigh to my knee. Other mornings I wake up crying because my hip is locked in one place and moving it is impossible and the slightest jolt puts me in agony. Half of the time I can start moving my hip within 30 minutes of the "lock up", but the other half of the time it can take me up to 2 hours to start getting movement back.

After that I'm in pain until my pain medicine kicks in. I take stuff that normally would knock people on their asses, but for me it takes the edge off just enough for me to function a little bit.

Through the day I have to continue taking pain medicine otherwise I'd just sit or lay because of the pain. But, sitting and laying don't help all that much either. If I sit or lay the wrong way or for the wrong amount of time, I am automatically back into the severe range of pain. Standing up from sitting/laying is also something I dread. My hip just tightens every time I'm in a position for more than a few minutes.

I can no longer climb stairs with ease. Luckily, we have a stair lift in our house. I use it almost every time I go up and down the stairs. I don't need it as much to go down, but I need it almost every time going up. When I'm out in public, I take the stairs more slowly than any of my friends.

It's not even things like that that frustrate me the most. It's little things that people barely pay attention to in their real life. I struggle to put on socks and tie my own shoes. I haven't jumped on a trampoline since I was 12. I can't attend concerts for bands I love without not being able to walk the next day. I can't stand to cook my own meals anymore...which sucks because I absolutely love cooking (and according to my friends/roomies I'm pretty good at it).

I know it may seem like I'm whining, but I swear I'm not. I'm just so excited to put all those things behind me. I'm so excited to be able to paint my own toe nails and to sit criss-cross-apple-sauce. I want to climb Stone Mountain and dance my ass off at a club.

I want to be...normal? And for that I need suggestions. I figured after this hip replacement I could use this blog to do "bucket list" type things, only some of them will be more mundane...like tie my shoes while bowling.

So, PLEASE I'm BEGGING YOU, if you haven't commented, if you have commented please give me ideas of stuff I should do. I want to use this hip to the fullest potential. I'm ready to live the life that I haven't been able to for 9 years. I'm ready to not let my hip define me. I NEED YOUR HELP.

Please comment....

Thank you!

Jessica